you don't have to create all the time

the argument for consuming

I’ve been in a funk lately. I don’t know if it’s winter blues or the brick-heavy accumulation of all the little things (and a couple big things) that make me… I won’t say “unhappy,” but perhaps less than happy.

It may seem counterintuitive, but I don’t like to create when I’m in a funk. I know, I know… the best artists made their most profound pieces in times of strife. I know… creating saves you. I know. But even as I write this, a month after publishing my last post, each word feels like I’m trying to pull taffy that’s been shoved into a VCR (does that metaphor date me?).

And then, I feel bad about not creating. Which makes matters worse, as if I’m not worth anything unless I’m producing a product (an internalization I tried to unravel in this post about joy). I would never think this of my friends or family, but I certainly feel it in the mirror.

I’ve been trying to become more comfortable with periods of consumption, like I’m a squirrel collecting nuts for winter. I don’t think you can create without consuming first. Everything we interact with informs what we make, from movies to music to street-side conversations skimming by like fish in a stream. Nothing is quite so new as we think it is, but different permutations of the same stuff.

I’d rather consume with the hunger of a wolf than create with the sharpness of a butterknife.

I like to read. I love it, actually. Maybe it’s not a stay-up-all-night devouring Onyx Storm kind of love (though I wish I had that discipline), but I love letting the pages spill into me like sand in an hourglass. I love to dissect ads on the subway. I love to taste new pastries at hole-in-the-wall Chinatown bakeries. I love devouring a series, even if it’s Love Island. I love watching standup videos on my phone and interior design videos on my laptop.

And I’m done feeling guilty about all that.

If you want some recs on my favorite things I’ve been consuming, keep reading (or don’t, I can’t tell you what to do).

Hacks

(ON HBO MAX? HBO GO? HBO GO FUCK YOURSELF?)

I had slept on this show for years, until I saw that Jean Smart was hosting the premiere of SNL and decided to give the show I try with my mom. We just finished the second season and it keeps getting better. Every character is a complete train wreck and borderline horrible, yet you can’t help but root for them. The writing is sharp, the humor is blink-and-you’ll-miss-it quick — it is not a background show, so save your chores for when Friends is on.

The Strokes

I’m more than aware that The Strokes have been around longer than I’ve been alive, but I’m just now getting into them. I’ve been vibing to The Adults Are Talking and Bad Decisions, but I’m still in the shallow end so I welcome more recs.

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin

I had only read one other book by James Baldwin before, Giovanni’s Room. This story couldn’t have been more different, both in style and content. Baldwin’s books are the ones where I tab the most sentences or paragraphs that seem to distill some human experience down to an almost scientific, unarguable theory about humanity. This book was fast-paced but somehow not plot heavy — very little happened, yet you get to know the characters intimately. At under 200 pages, it’s a quick read that packs a lot into few pages. If anyone has thoughts on the movie adaptation from 2018, let me know (I haven’t seen it, so no spoilers).

Food food food

Perhaps the most literal interpretation of the word “consume” is food, and I’m certainly getting plenty of that. I’ve been loving this Moroccan Chickpea and Carrot Tagine by Half Baked Harvest (in her book, which I highly recommend). It’s low-effort and the tartness of the pomegranates cuts the heat of the harissa in an addictive way. I’ve also been making this Lemon Chicken Orzo Soup by Salt & Lavender, but I highly recommend reducing the amount of orzo to a 1/2 cup (it continues to soak up the broth, so if you save it, you get a mass of thickened orzo).

Thanks for listening, and if you’re in a funk right now too, I hear you. We’ll all be ok.